wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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