from now on my penis is your penis
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
