I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
