I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
worst night to have a conscience
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
