Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I am one with the molecules
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
