DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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