uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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