I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
