if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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