what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
