i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
