I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
