Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
