I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
