Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
