Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
