I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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