What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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