There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A+ Viking dick
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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