That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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