Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
