if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
