Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
