The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
