They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
