I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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