Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
