I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
