How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
