My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
