the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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