Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
