Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
