i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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