you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You took a bar mat shot.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
