Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
