I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
