Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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