My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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