Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
