Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
