My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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