so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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