Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
