Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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