I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
