he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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