you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
