Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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