Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
