I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just had sex on a roof
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
