I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
All the doctor said was why
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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