one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
