Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
